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Inspired by Melody

25 Oct

Something you’ll learn about me quickly if you spend more than about an hour with me: I adore music. It’s more than that even: I can’t exist without music. It’s a function of my existence as natural and necessary as breathing in and out, and I end up in one hell of a mess if I don’t have a constant stream of tunes running from my iPod to my ears.

Logic therefore dictates that when it comes to writing, the music I choose becomes part of the story for me. I weave the words around the music, find myself inspired with the simplest melody. I’ve had entire novels, entire worlds come into being based around a single artist, a single album, a single song.

Don’t think I’m joking either. My webcomic, Thursday’s Child, is inspired primarily by the music of The Hold Steady. In college my friend and I worked on a story together based on the concepts in Korn’s album See You On the Other Side. The entirety of the second book of the Undertaker series I’m working on now materialized in my head while I was listening to Nine Inch Nails’ The Collector off of the With Teeth album.

Sometimes it inspires a moment. Other times it brings a character to life. My main character Ali was closed off and unwilling to so much as peep at me (not good for a book written in the 1st person) until I discovered the song Loves Me Not by t.A.T.u. Her brother Mark comes from the song Take a Bow by Muse. Sometimes a song inspires nothing or no one in particular but it speaks to me in some other way relevant to the story. In this way a lot of songs about zombies have crept into my playlists lately.

Thus, I decided I’d write out my current playlist for The Undertaker Chronicles. All of the songs should be easily hunted down via youtube/grooveshark/spotify/iTunes, and I use a combo of all four while writing. I will most likely add things during the course of the writing process, but this is where it is now:

1. Puscifer – ‘Tiny Monsters’
2. A Perfect Circle – ‘The Outsider’
3. A Perfect Circle – ‘Passive’
4. Puscifer – ‘Sour Grapes’
5. Zeromancer – ‘Doctor Online’
6. Rob Zombie – ‘Living Dead Girl’
7. Puscifer – ‘Conditions of My Parole’
8. Nine Inch Nails – ‘The Collector’
9. Marilyn Manson – ‘Tainted Love’
10. Nine Inch Nails – ‘Somewhat Damaged’
11. AFI – ‘Miseria Cantata: The Beginning’
12. Nine Inch Nails – ‘Deep’
13. Kamelot – ‘Ghost Opera’
14. Puscifer – ‘Toma’
15. Muse – ‘Take a Bow’
16. Nine Inch Nails – ‘The Perfect Drug’
17. Depeche Mode – ‘A Pain that I’m Used To’
18. Puscifer – ‘The Undertaker (Renholder Mix)
19. t.A.T.u. – ‘Loves Me Not’
20. Blaqk Audio – ‘Stiff Kittens’
21. Natalia Kills – ‘Zombie’
22. t.A.T.u. and Rammstein – ‘Odno I To Zhe’
23. AFI – ‘Medicate’

 

In defense of my lack of variety, Puscifer’s most recent album released last week and it buried itself in my brain.

 

What music do you listen to when you write, if any? Anything inspire an upcoming novel? Feel free to share in the comments.

 

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The Kindness of Strangers

27 Aug

Last night Jeff and I went to see my favourite band. Well, favourite band that still actively tours, but they’re still in my top three bands I love of all time. The Hold Steady playing a free outdoor show; sounded like the perfect evening.

For the most part it was too; we ran into some friends, the openers were moderately entertaining, we drank bad beer and people-watched and let the exhaustion of our weeks slowly slip away from us. It wasn’t too hot out and we got a good place to stand. All in all, an excellent concert.

During the wait before the band came on (which was long – I’m compulsive so we got there early) we sat on a picnic table drinking beer and talking, and when Jeff got up to get a beer this guy wandered over. Fairly nondescript, lanky, brown hair and bearded, and a pretty sweet tattoo of a robot fighting a dinosaur on his left forearm. He asked if he could sit with us and I said okay.

That’s the thing about shows like this. People are chill. The Hold Steady attracts a crowd that’s sort of a weird hybrid of hipsters, hippies, party people, druggies, college kids, older folks… you name it, we saw it there. He sat with us and we talked after Jeff came back with beer. His name was Zack, he’d just gotten back into town (Lincoln) from Austin Texas, he liked bands like The Hold Steady and Radiohead and Modest Mouse.

As the conversation progressed he realized that he’d left his phone in his friend’s car. His friends were supposed to come back to the show, but he had no way of contacting them without his cell phone, and the crowd was getting large and milling, making finding people next to impossible. He was clearly stranded, stuck in Omaha over night, with no real way of getting back to Lincoln save for camping out in a doorway overnight and then hopping a train in the morning (his idea, not ours).

So Jeff and I offered to give him a ride home. It seemed reasonable. The guy seemed nice even if some aspects of his personality were (in retrospect) a little shady and weird. It was the kind of crowd where drugs were easy to come by, and it’s a fair chance that he was on something, or several somethings, by the time the night was over.

We met him after the show outside the Slowdown. He thanked us profusely for letting him tag along with us to Lincoln. We get to the car, my sister’s Honda Civic, and I start climbing into the backseat, shoving my purse and sweater and other things in front of me.

It was at this point that several items from my open purse spilled out into the backseat.

Zack insisted that he sit in the back, that he didn’t want to inconvenience me by making me sit in the back all crunched up (2 door cars are a joy like that), and so I let him into the back and got into the passenger front seat. That was how we rode home.

I did not grab my purse out of the backseat at this time.

We drive the 50ish minutes or so back into Lincoln, and we’re all very conversational and nice. Zach asks us questions that seem innocuous, like what kind of car we were driving in and what jobs Jeff and I had and other things of that nature. Things that only seem suspicious in hindsight.

We get to Lincoln and he asks us to drop him off at 14th and O street. He complains repeatedly that he really, really needs to go to the restroom as we’re driving into Lincoln, and as we pull up to the sidewalk and we let him out he’s definitely in a hurry, stopping to give high fives and handshakes but definitely in a hurry.

No worries, I figure. He just needs to pee. Look, he’s even walking funny he has to pee so bad.

We drive the mile or so back to the apartment and as we get out of the car I head for the backseat, starting to gather up my things.

It is at this point that I realize my wallet is missing.

Genuinely missing, not just misplaced or shoved under one of the seats or under a sweater. We tore that car apart, which didn’t take long as it was small and recently cleaned. And we realize there’s another reason this guy was walking funny. Probably a reason he asked so many questions about our lives. A reason he hightailed it out of there before we noticed anything was wrong.

I go inside, immediately call my bank to cancel my credit card, and begin taking inventory of all the things I had carried in that wallet, that long rectangular bright red ladybug wallet I loved so much. My driver’s license was in Jeff’s wallet since I’d needed it for the show and didn’t want to take in my whole purse since I knew I’d be dancing. My cash was in my pocket. Overall my net losses were my library card, my now-cancelled credit card, my insurance cards, my old student ID, my birth control pills, a couple of expired giftcards and some receipts.

He also took my day planner. Why he did that is completely beyond me. It doesn’t even look useful.

He got nothing important. Everything in that wallet is replaceable, even with a little hassle. He didn’t get anything like my social security card or my computer passwords. The planner had my address in it, but we live in a secured entry building two blocks from a police station. I have my driver’s license. I can replace my insurance cards. I have another pill pack I can use to take my medication. Inconvenient, but manageable.

It just sucks is all.

It sucks that we do this guy a favor, two normally not very trusting kids, and he thanks us by stealing something of no use to him. He tells us what kind of person he is. That he judged us by our well-maintained car and the answers we gave about our lives and our jobs. He determined that we were clearly doing well enough that he needed my things more than I did.

Or he was just high out of his mind. That’s also a possibility.

Jeff and I are doing well for ourselves. It’s easy to judge people by their covers, we all do it all the time. I work a damned good, well-paying job. We were driving a very nice, still very new looking car. We gave the impression of being college kids even though I’m not and Jeff’s only part time.

Impressions are dangerous. Judgments are dangerous. I don’t work any less hard for my money because I work in an office for a corporation that gives me benefits and paid time off. Jeff doesn’t work any less hard because he’s a part time student. We still get help from our parents, yes, but we’re young, and extremely lucky, and we’re grateful. Painfully grateful. We never acted like we were better than this guy. That was something he invented for himself.

So it hurts. It makes me rage that this is what kindness to strangers will net you in this world. It makes me want to track down this guy and punch him in his face. Or at least get Jeff to punch him in his face.

We were up until 2 or 3 sorting things out, and sleep was nearly impossible.

Once I got there though, I did okay. I woke up and felt better, not just from getting the rest.

My memories weren’t tarnished. The show was still fresh in my head and it was still as glorious as I had remembered.

It really was an amazing show. This is the third time I’ve seen The Hold Steady, and they just keep getting better and better. We muscled our way close to the front, and after six solid months of listening to their music at least daily I knew all the words to all the songs. I was that kid, screaming along with the songs and pounding my fist in the air.

I forgot everything in those moments. Music profoundly affects me, and there’s a reason I love it. Normally my brain is a hyperactive chittering mess, like a squirrel on speed suffering from ADD. I’m always dealing with at least five things on my mind: work, impending grad school, my comic, my novel, what to make for dinner, various songs I like. It’s busy up in here.

The music and the crowd washed it all away. I thought of nothing in those moments but being right there, right where I was, singing along and feeling exuberant joy at experiencing The Hold Steady the way they were made to be experienced.

Nothing can take it away. Not even some asshole who decides to rip off a couple kids who did him a solid.

Thanks for trying buddy.

So maybe I’ll be more reluctant to help strangers now. I usually am anyway. But it’s not all bad. My friend Jen saved a guy’s life last night by being a kind stranger, calling 9-1-1 when she noticed him passed out on the sidewalk. When I first met Jeff he was a stranger, in a friend-of-a-friend just met kind of way, and I DD-ed for him so he wouldn’t have to drive on his birthday.

I’m cynical. I’m jaded. This incident has lowered my opinion of humanity, made me feel foolish and caused me a lot of trouble.

But everyone’s different. We all have our reasons for the stupid shit we do, even if this guy’s reason made no sense to us.

As Jeff said, he’ll get his. Especially since we have every intention of filing a police report.

But I won’t let the best part of the evening be taken away. That concert was fucking amazing. So, nice try buddy, but your assholery is just a tiny blip on the radar in my life, and after time, I’ll forget you, and just remember the music.

Stay Positive.

Scenes from an Artist

8 Jun

It’s Wednesday. I got off work at about six and then proceeded directly to the cave that is my bedroom and threw myself into some good old art, since my webcomic is now up and running (you can find it here if you haven’t tracked it down already). I settled down with some snacks and got to verk.

I’m working a good three weeks ahead of the update schedule, so call that a very distant preview. Also visible are all my art pens and pencils.

And how did I inspire myself to finish this page?

Watching The Voice. Because I’m a nerd for quality singing voices, Cee Lo is a badass and Raquel Castro is pretty fuckin’ awesome. Seriously. She’s the adorable little girl from Jersey Girl!

*Kevin Smith fangirl moment*

I’m starting to work on more scripts. I’ve got sketches for the next few weeks of updates. I’m drawing when I get free moments. Wishing I didn’t need that peskity day job so I could just spend my whole day writing and drawing, especially since that new novel is feeling slightly neglected. I’ll get back to it though. The summer is young.

Back to the art slavery I go. At least the art store has some quality sales!

Cool grey prismacolor 12-pack sets for $9 each?! I think I’m in heaven ❤

 

Happy June everyone. Hope your creative endeavors are going as well as mine are (At least for now).

Lady Gaga and I: A Review of ‘Born This Way’

26 May

Some of you have no interest in Lady Gaga, and that’s okay. You’re welcome to skip this blog and scamper away until I write something more interesting. Those of you who don’t openly despise Ms. Gaga for her music or style, sit back, because it’s been a few days and it’s time to review the new album.

I’ve been nervous about Born This Way. Privately of course, as I’m a closet Gaga fan and have been ever since I awkwardly bought a copy of ‘The Fame’ in Target almost two years ago. I enjoyed both The Fame and The Fame Monster, I watched the music videos, I danced to her songs in various bars. It’s hard to describe what makes Lady Gaga appeal to me. Musically it speaks to a small voice in the back of my head, a fabulous voice, but ultimately I respect Ms. Gaga as a person for putting herself out there and, basically, not giving a shit. She plays flaming pianos, wears dresses made of bubbles and scary high heels, and she’s a year older than me. Crazy successful and I could have gone to high school with her. She basically speaks for the nuts among us, the downtrodden, the outcasts, the sad creative types who spent most of their lives being poked by bigger, meaner fish.

So yeah. I like her. It’s lame, I deal with it.

The Born this Way single was the first nervous twitch for me. I liked it well enough, but it didn’t grab at my brainstem and tug it urgently like some of the songs of the past. The video make me check my glass to make sure nobody had spiked it, and the melody was so… Madonna… it caught me off guard. But it was catchy and fun and had a positive message I could get behind, so I took a deep breath and stepped back and said “okay, let’s see where this is going.”

I’ll say it flat: I didn’t like Judas. Not because of the religious issues (this is me we’re talking about), but just because I couldn’t get into the tune or the beat. It was blah. I was unexcited. Continuing to be nervous about the new album.

Cut to Monday, when the album goes on sale on Amazon MP3 for 99 cents.

I’ll be honest with you, fellow little monsters. I probably wouldn’t have jumped for it if it had been posted at the regular internet price of $9.99. For a buck I figured ‘what the hell’ and spent a good hour and a half or so of my working day on Tuesday giving it a listen.

I’ll be more honest with you: I don’t like Born This Way as an album.

It’s got decent individual songs. Some really good ones too. Edge of Glory is a good song, so is BTW. The rest of them I think I’d like if they were remixed by someone and played in a club. But that was the vibe I got from most of these tracks. They were lacking the energy of older Gaga songs to me. She was still singing, still dancing, but it didn’t gel with me. I couldn’t dig it. It felt like they took a bunch of beats you’d hear at a DJ party and then added some vocal tracks on top of it. I’d use words like lackluster, unenthusiastic, meh. Not bad per se. Just not ‘wow’. I wasn’t excited like I was the first time I listened to The Fame.

One song off that album saved it for me though. One song that sounded basically nothing like any of the other songs on the album.

You and I is the second to last song on the album, and it has what every other song seems to be missing. It’s got soul, heart, passion, it sounds like it gives a damn and has more to it than pounding bass. I heard this song, then listened to it again. And again. And once more for good measure.

I love this song.

Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for a good piano melody. Perhaps it’s that the lyrics speak to me. Whatever it is, this song is hands down the best on the album for me, no fight, and it’s saved my love of Lady Gaga. Because it’s real. It’s not just dance mixes and high heels. It’s a song about love and friendship and holding on to the things that matter. It’s got balls, big ones, and it gives a shit. It’s not tired or boring. It’s easy to tell (kind of like you can on Born this Way) that this song is coming from Lady Gaga’s heart, not produced or prodded into something catchy and drab.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t listened to the rest of the album much. I do plan on giving it another chance, and I’m sure some of the other songs will work for me in time.

But I love You and I because it reminds me that even though Ms. Gaga and I live worlds apart, we’re not so different. After all, we’ve both got our cool Nebraska guys.

I don’t have oodles of pride for my adopted home state, but it speaks to me, since even if it isn’t my home state, it’s the home state of the man I’m bonkers about. And if Ms. Gaga can admit the same thing on a multi-million dollar record, she’s gotta be all right.

So that’s my two cents: it’s not my favourite album, but for 99 cents on Amazon MP3, go for it. It has its moments.

This Song Has Been Stuck in My Head Since I Heard It

10 Apr

Lyrics:

There was that whole weird thing with the horses
I think they know exactly what happened
I don't think it needs any explaining
I'm pretty sure I wasn't your first choice
I think I was the last one remaining
I wish we hadn't gone and destroyed it
Cause I was thinking we could pull another weekender
You've still got a bit of clairvoyance

I remember the metal bar
I remember the reservoir
You could say our paths had crossed before

So if it has to be a secret
Then I guess that I can deal with it
you and i both know it's a negative thing
In the end only the girls know the whole truth

There were a couple pretty crass propositions
There were some bugs in the bars
There was a kid camped out by the coat check
She said the theme of this party's the industrial age
And you came in dressed like a train wreck

I remember the O.T.B
The five-second delivery
You could say our paths have crossed before

So if it has to be a secret
Then I guess that i can deal with it
God only knows it's not always a positive thing
To see a few seconds into the future

And if you swear to keep it decent
Then yeah I'll come and see you
but it's not gonna be like in romantic comedies
In the end I bet no one learns a lesson

guitar solo

So if it has to be a secret
Then I guess that I can deal with it
you and i both know it's a negative thing
In the end only the girls know the whole truth

And if you swear to keep it decent
Then yeah I'll come and see you
but it's not gonna be like in romantic comedies
In the end I bet no one learns a lesson

In the end only the girls know the whole truth
In the end I bet no one learns a lesson

 

Marching Ahead

1 Mar

March is apparently going to be the month of awful puns, so you’re welcome in advance for the groan therapy you will experience.

Other things March is going to be good for:

1) Rediscovering my local libraries. I dropped by there this afternoon to pick up the next Dresden Files book and also grabbed a few other fun reads (A Meg Cabot book and the first in the Scott Pilgrim series). That and the facilities are crazy shiny awesome and modernised. I think I know where to go to study for the LSAT next time.

2) New job! I start this Friday, and I’m crazy excited about it. Call me a dork, but I’ve been unemployed since January 16th and that’s made me just a little on the crazed side. I don’t react well to a large expanse of nothing on the horizon. Plus the job involves things I rock at: data entry, computer work and copying.

3) Pokemon. I already babbled about my HeartGold team earlier this week (and they, plus or minus a few team-members), and this Sunday I get to run to the mall like a six-year-old on Christmas and get my brand-spanking new copy of Pokemon Black! Which I will then play obsessively and blog about incessantly.

4) Income. There are no words for how much I miss being able to go to the grocery store and not obsessively try to do math in my head and give up my favourite things for the sake of being able to put gas in my car. Rest assured, my first paycheck will mostly be spent on grocery items. I’m cool like that.

5) Body art. It’s been almost a year since I got my first tattoo. I very much hope to have another one in the not too distant future. ❤ I’m thinking it’ll be my Star Wars tattoos.

6) Friends. I owe a lot of really awesome people a round of drinks, since my friends have been here for me every step of the way during my little unemployment stint. So, crazy amounts of thanks to all my awesome friends: Sam, Jess, Kelsey, Karen, both Dans, Caryn, Andrew, Paul, Adam, Beta, Clay, Heidee, Steven, Mark, all my other lovely and amazing friends, and of course my ever tolerant, somehow-hasn’t-murdered-me-despite-my-whining, awesome boyfriend Jeff. Thank you all for being fantastic and awesome and putting up with my unemployed rambles. My first paycheck comes out, and the drinks are on me. 🙂

7) Writing. I’ve got novels coming out of my ears, short stories flailing around for attention, sketches to work on and a huge music library to inspire me. It’s a good month for creativity folks.

8) Health and well-being. I’m on day eight of no soda, and even though it’s getting a lot harder to keep that going, I’m surviving with cranberry juice and delicious green tea. Exercise is also still going all right, as is eating better, though I still have miserable cravings for pizza.

Onward to March! Here’s hoping it’s gonna be a fun month folks! New chapters in life abound for all!

 

Lora’s 8 Stages of Fandom

11 Feb

I know I’m not the only member of my friend-pod who suffers from chronic Fandom. Be it a webcomic, movie, TV series, mythos, culture, you name it, there are Fandoms everywhere, and I admit, I’m decidedly a part of them. To name a few, I’m an avid member of the following fandoms:

– Harry Potter
– Buffy/Angel
– Firefly/Serenity
– Doctor Who
– Torchwood
– Chuck
– Repo! The Genetic Opera
– Questionable Content
– Lord of the Rings
– My Chemical Romance
– Star Wars
– Star Trek
– Homestuck

Some of these, Homestuck for example, are recent fandom discoveries, and others like Star Wars have been part of my Fandom life since I was in the single digits of my life-age. While pondering this, I also pondered the steps I seem to repeatedly go through during my discovery and acceptance of a new Fandom into the squidgy hole where my heart used to be. After some more pondering, and eating some cheese, I compiled a rough list of my personal 8 stages of Fandom.

DISCLAIMER: Fandom is not the same for everyone. My coming to love a Fandom is different from many other folks’ journeys. A lot of the principles, however, are the same. So here it goes:

Stage 1: Discovery

“Hey, have you tried reading this comic? It’s really good!”

Discovery comes in many forms for a Fandom. Sometimes that Fandom comes to you through a close friendship or relationship (personal examples: Firefly, Chuck), sometimes through family (Star Wars, Angel) and other times through independent discovery (Doctor Who). Whatever the method, this is where Fandom begins, where the seed is planted and roots are put down.

Stage 2: Casual Perusal

“Hm, I’ll give the first chapter a try…”

This is the stage where the Fandom is explored. For Harry Potter fandom, for example, Perusal involves reading the original books written by JK Rowling. For TV shows, it’s watching an episode or two. For comics, it’s reading a page or three of the archives, and so on. My Perusal of Star Wars occurred when I was ten years old and watched the Special Edition of Star Wars: A New Hope with my parents. I remember little of the encounter, except that the seat I was given was too low and that it was really loud.

Stage 3: Abandonment

“Meh, I’m gonna go watch re-runs instead…”

Not a common stage, but a pattern I’ve recognized in my fandom journeys is that it takes a few tries for me to get truly invested in a Fandom. Examples of these ‘false start fandoms’ for me have included Harry Potter, Homestuck, Lord of the Rings and Chuck. It says nothing of their quality, just of my attention span. I can be facing the most amazing Fandom in existence, but if I’m distracted by something shiny, forget it.

Stage 4: Re-Occurrence

“Hm, this actually gets good once you get past the early exposition…”

This happens in a variety of ways. Perhaps a friend drags me to watch a movie I previously felt reluctant about. Perhaps I’m bored and my mind wanders back to a long-forgotten story that bears new discovery. Maybe I just didn’t get far enough into it. Whatever the reason, reaching true Fandom requires returning to that first discovery in some manner over a short (or long) span of time.

Stage 5: Devouring

“It’s 4AM and I have to be up in 3 hours but OH GOG I CAN’T STOP READING hlaghlasdghlghlgh”

A melodramatic term perhaps, but it’s the best way to describe the method one uses to absorb the items of Fandom. When a new Harry Potter book emerged, I absconded with it to my room and stayed there for hours, reading and ignoring all distractions. Webcomics kept me up until the sun came up with their storylines and drama. I systematically swallowed up whole seasons of TV shows in less than a week. This is where the build of the material is experienced, where the source becomes realized.

Stage 6: Obsession

“Wow, people actually write Buffy/Torchwood crossover fic?”

Once the material has been devoured, the signs of Fandom become abundantly clear. Perhaps it simply begins with a google search, or a conversation with friends, but before you know it you’re trolling Deviantart and Fanfiction.net to experience MORE of these characters and stories, to interact with others who share your passion. You integrate inside jokes into your vocabulary in the hopes others will notice and engage in conversation with you about your Fandom. The Obsession grows and leads you to new levels of nerdery you’d never consider. Like Shipping. And writing fanfiction. Or even drawing smutty slash art for friends.

Yes, in case you were wondering. I have done all of these.

Stage 7: Petering

“Maybe I’ll read this new book later, after I investigate something shiny.”

Similar to Stage 3. Sometimes the obsession comfortably dies, leaving naught but fond memories of times gone by. Other times they don’t and aspects of the Fandom become permanently integrated into your life, be it through cosplay, purchasing merchandise, or if you’re weird like me and have characters that run around in your head chattering at you constantly.

(Lemme tell you, it’s getting crowded in here with all the trolls).

Stage 8: Lasting Love

“Vriska, you’ve wedged your way into my heart and there you will stay. Even if you are shithive maggots.” *

The final stage demonstrates the staying power of a Fandom. Some are flash in the pan, brief infatuations that fade into the past, but others stay for years, decades even, and remain in your heart to inspire your actions, thoughts and dreams.

*Homestuck reference

So that’s my take on my experience with fandom. Others do it different, some have similar experiences. Whatever fills the gaps in your blood-pumping unit, I’m sure Fandom has helped you the way it’s helped me. Be a huge nerd. >.>

Funemployment

3 Feb

I’m ready to have a job now.

For honest reals.

My most difficult decision today was whether or not I wanted to walk over to the chinese restaurant for dinner or cook something at home.

A little intellectual stimulation would be AWESOME.

Today’s blog post is unexciting. I apologize.

Here’s my song of the day. The lyrics are appropriate:

Songs I Get Stuck in my Head

1 Feb

Now for a weekly installment, a brief update, to inform folk of my musical tastes, predilections and current earworms. More of these will follow, on a semi-weekly basis.

I get a lot of music stuck in my head, since I have a very active brain (which is a the polite way of defining OCD coupled with Anxiety and ADD), and this week is no different. Here’s the song I’ve had stuck in my head for the last few days:

Lyrics:

A Perfect Circle – The Outsider

Help me if you can
It’s just that this, this is not the way I’m wired
So could you please,

Help me understand why
You’ve given in to all these
Reckless dark desires

You’re lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What’ll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess. I don’t want to watch you.

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What’s your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the fautline
What’ll it take to get it through to you precious
Go with this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, I don’t wanna watch you…

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What’s your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it put it on the fautline
What’ll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, come to this, come to this

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What’s your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
Do it somewhere far away from here.

I love this band in a way that’s probably unhealthy. Have since high school.